“I wished for my Fairy Godmother, the Good Witch of the North, or some other bitch with a wand.” – Jocelyn Drake
I can’t think of anything I’ve wanted more in life than to be given beautiful gifts, and to be worthy of them. Perhaps this is why the Fairy Godmother idea is so very enticing to me. Now, before you go calling me a Material Girl, I will have you know that knowledge, love, patience, kindness, and acceptance are all gifts in rare supply nowadays, and I’d be happy to receive any of them. Although a diamond bracelet, or a new pair of high heels wouldn’t make me turn up my nose, especially with my salary!
I personally, always wanted to be a princess, to be treasured and adored and loved. Like Rapunzel, like Cinderella, like Snow White, I always thought of my feelings of being trapped, of being used, of being alone were just something to be overcome until my prince charming arrived to rescue me. I would close my eyes and dream of all the beautiful things this prince would bring into my life. A three story house. Two cars. Beautiful children who would love me unconditionally and always make me proud. Stability. Hope. Peace.
But each prince, one after another, ended up promising and promising, and nothing ever came true. I’m not sure exactly when I stopped seeing the magic, when I stopped feeling that sense of wonder. I try to make myself see it. On Halloween, I dressed up and took a friend’s child trick-or-treating, if only so that I might relive the magic and rush and excitement of the night. But even with all the children running, all the candy pouring through my fingers, I couldn’t capture the same awe and sense of waiting that had filled me as a child. I couldn’t make myself beleive that something amazing was just around the corner for me.
Perhaps this is what growing up is? Perhaps it’s that sense of knowing everything, and feeling as if it’s all happened, and nothing new is ever going to excite you again. Or perhaps it’s depression? I used to wish for a Fairy Godmother to come and make me worthy of my Prince Charming. I’ve started to realise that no one is a Prince Charming. That I’m not Cinderella, nor am I the wicked witch. I am not, in any stretch of the imagination, anything but a person.
And that’s the important thing, I think. Remembering that as a person, I can be my own fairy godmother. I’ve started a garden. I’ve written books. I’ve gotten a new job, and I’m considering going back to school. I am making changes to my life to make it better every second I breathe. I am my own Fairy Godmother, and I’m learning to see the beauty and wonder in life again. In the tiny growing of a seed, in the pouring of words into print, in the breath of a sleeping child I’m allowed to hold. Life moves on. People grow up. We can’t all be Peter Pan, nor can any of us be Sleeping Beauty, sleeping away the world around us.
So embrace yourself. Learn to be your own Fairy Godmother. Stop looking for the alien to fall from the sky, for the prince to sweep you off your feet. Instead, look for the little magic in the world. The small changes in yourself and others. That is what will make you happy.more