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Panic Attacks and Manuscripts

  • Posted on June 24, 2017 at 1:23 pm

So I have finished the manuscript for Knight of Kuryle. The first draft is entirely done. I’ll be running through several more drafts, of which I’ll explain in a moment, but for now, I am done with it until the 15th of July. Four weeks is a long time to wait, for someone used to working non-stop on their novel. Four weeks is a long time to wait for anything.

I’ve been experiencing an emotional upheaval during this time. It’s only been three days and I’m having more panic attacks than ever before. Just a few minutes ago, I had the largest one yet, where I couldn’t breathe. Luckily, my friend and roommate knows a calm-down method for panic attacks, and was able to help me get it under control. I still feel vulnerable and weak aftewards, however.

Some friends I’ve talked to about it say that it’s possible that there are a lot of feelings tied into the manuscript, and my finishing it has created a void where the manuscript used to be, which is causing the emotional upheaval. I think it’s something simpler. I’m scared.

You see, I’ve done the easy part. I’ve done the part I know how to do. I’ve written the first draft, and completed an entire story. I’ve done that before, and now, I’m in new territory. Now I have to edit. Now I have to polish. Now, I have to tear my beauty apart.

My writing mentor, Chris Votey, has listed a set of steps for my next drafts of the manuscript. They are as follows:

  1. First draft of manuscript
  2. Content edit
  3. Grammarly edit
  4. Ginger edit
  5. Word doc spell checker
  6. Content edit again
  7. Language edit – Looking for overused words and adverbs
  8. ReRead
  9. Chris goes through it
  10. Repeat.

I’m glad he gave me this process so that I could record it. No book I know goes into such detail as to give you exact instructions, so I thought I’d write it down. It’s useful to know what other authors are doing when it comes to editing and writing.

On top of all of this, I am reading and researching for my next project. A regency era romance I’ve named “A Deeper Love”.  Look forward to snippets and deleted scenes in the future! I’m currently reading On Writing Romance by Leigh Michaels in order to figure out how to write this romance properly! As someone who has had little luck in romance herself, this is especially important. ALWAYS RESEARCH NEW GENRES.

Lost Journal and more Bad Poetry

  • Posted on June 17, 2017 at 5:47 am

I have somehow managed to lose my journal. I’m actually really upset about this, although I’m sure I sound calm over the internet. My journal is something deeply precious to me, and something I really don’t want to lose. So I’m going to go on a hunt to find it later today. If you’ve ever lost a journal, please, comment below on how it made you feel!

Loss

Strange how something so vital can dissapear in a second

How quickly one can lose something that means the world to you

Strange indeed how one can lose something and keep checking

As if you might find it again, the more you do.

I can’t imagine losing something that I can never find again

I can’t imagine losing something like a friend

I can’t imagine losing something I would miss so dearly

that it bites my skin from the inside, hurting me so clearly

Oh but I know loss

I know it the way we all do

instinctively.

Children

  • Posted on June 14, 2017 at 6:11 am

This poem is rough, more so than the other I posted here, but I thought I’d put it up anyway, since someone asked me to.

Children

are fearlessly themselves

are carelessly reckless

are religiously kind

are suspiciously playful

are tirelessly beautiful.

Children

can learn

can grow

can show

can tell

can sell

us a perfect world.

Children

are precious

refresh us

enmesh us

in a world of their own making

in a world just for them.

Children

oh, how I love them

these little demons

these beautiful heathens

they are perfect.

Poetry and Reading

  • Posted on June 12, 2017 at 5:20 am

So I’ve been reading a lot more lately, trying to keep myself educated and in tune with how writing works. It’s not as nice as I thought, reading is a lot of work. It’s not the escape it used to be. I think this is because I used to use it to escape my feelings about the way my life was going as a child, and I don’t think I can do that anymore. Being an adult sucks.

Anyway, the book I just started, Write Therapy by Christina Christou, mentioned that writing poetry can be kind of cathartic. Now, my history with poetry is short and awful. I wrote one poem when I was a teenager, about fourteen, and my mother, trying to help me, critiqued it so much that I never wanted to write another one again. So I didn’t.  Now that isn’t to say I haven’t written another poem since because there are always assignments that tell you to write a poem. And I’ve tried my hand at songwriting, which is like putting a poem to music. But I never LABELED it poetry, never connected it to what I’m feeling.

Today, I did. And I’d like to share the results with you. It doesn’t have a name, just the date, so please enjoy my awful poetry.

06/12/17

I’m trying something new

Something swollen,

Something I have stolen

From a book written for you

Telling me to write a poem

Telling me to write my feelingsStone to heart

stone to part

my spirit from the dark blue

depression is lonely

depression is only

in my mind and I will woo

my heart into knowing,

my soul into growing.

I will write myself into

someone sane,

someone famed.

Someone free of the mildew

of the heart and

of the mind and

I am free and safe.

WIP Tag – Knight of Kuryle

  • Posted on June 8, 2017 at 1:50 pm

 

Welcome to the Work In Progress Tag! I was tagged by the adoring and adorable Briana Herr, who was kind enough to inform our whole discord server about the tag! For this tag, I’m going to focus on my mostly complete WIP, rather than the ones I keep starting to avoid Writer’s Block. XD

Without further ado!

1) What is your working title?

“A Knight of Kuryle”, which is supposed to refer to the main character Dirk’s position once he has accepted his fate.

 

2) where did the idea come from?

I had a dream, a long, long time ago, about a sorcerer and a swordsman. The sorcerer was the enemy of the swordsman, but when the swordsman ran him through, he collapsed into the swordsman’s arms and breathed out, “You never could protect me, could you?”

I fell in love with the dynamic, and with the pair, and so that’s how Dirk and Yumil/Kier were born.

 

3) what Genre would your book fall into?

I like to think Epic fantasy, since it follows more than one character’s journey through a fantasy world. But it’s probably just straight fantasy. XD

 

4) what actors would you choose to play in your movie rendition?

I really don’t think about actors for my characters, if only because it’d be very difficult to choose them, and because by the time I choose them, they don’t look the way I need them to for the character. Plus, I don’t think there’s a man alive pretty enough to match my mental image of Yumil/Kier

 

5) what is the one sentence synopsis for your WIP?

For the first novel: When his village is destroyed by an unknown mage, Dirk goes looking for justice, and finds something so unexpected that it throws his worldview out of place.

For the series: An ancient grudge sets into motion the necessary components to end the world, or bring it back into balance, and it’s up to one family to choose which.

 

6) Will you self-publish or be represented by an agency?

I’m planning to self-publish, although I wouldn’t say no to an agency if they wanted to represent me.

 

7) how long did it take you to write your first draft?

About a month. I was doing nanowrimo and had nothing else to do but write, so I literally ended up writing 250k words and finished it. Then I had to cut it down into smaller books, and I still haven’t finished the first draft of the smaller book. XD

 

8) what other books would you compare this story too?

Probably a combination of the Inheritance Cycle, Dragon Blood by Patricia Briggs, and Lord of the Rings. Sort of. Very, very loosely.

 

9) who or what inspired you to write this book?

When I first wrote the first draft, I was inspired by my then boyfriend, Wesley Pruett. As I went on to editing and eventually breaking up the story into smaller books, however, I found that my inspiration and help came from my mentor, Chris Votey. He’s been invaluable for helping me through all the crags and crannies of writing, and I wouldn’t have made it this far without him.

 

10) what else about your book that might pique readers interest?

Well, the main characters are almost all tumblr-worthy. Dirk is an asexual black man, and Yumil is a genderfluid homosexual. Their adoptive son, Jorgan, later in life goes on to be the savior of the world. So there’s that. XD

 

There you have it, my WIP, which I haven’t touched in several months. This blogpost, however, has rekindled my love for it, and I think I’ll be starting editing again. So thanks so much for sticking around and reading this! Post your information down below, and I’ll tag you in it, so that you can gush about your WIP too!

IWSG – 06-07-17

  • Posted on June 7, 2017 at 4:22 pm

We're here for you.There’s just something about being surrounded by fellow writers that makes one feel safer writing, isn’t there? That’s what the IWSG is all about. A community of writers meant to join together and share our sorrows, woes and triumphs!


This month’s question: Did you ever say “I quit”? If so, what happened to make you come back to writing?

 

To be honest, no I have never said “I quit”. I have had writers block for months at a time. I have had a self-imposed ‘do not write’ rule, but it was always in the effort of becoming a better writer. You see, I find that I get blocks more often than others. Or maybe exactly as often, and others have more self-discipline than I do. I’m not sure. All I know is that more often than not, I stare at a page and try to will myself to write, and find myself crying over it instead.

Writing is hard.

But you already know that. Especially if you’re part of IWSG, or a writer yourself. So no, I have never given up entirely. But I have given up on some projects. There are just some stories that I will never allow to see the light of day. And that is that.

Now, onto more pleasant things!

I’ve started a new project, which is meant to introduce those who follow me, and those who know me, to a new subgenre of Science Fiction, called “Humanity, Fuck Yeah!” or HFY for short. A large dose of it can be found here on this subreddit. For those of you who don’t know what that is, it is science fiction that runs on the premise that humans are the most badass things in the galaxy.

Generally this means that humanity is from what is known as a Death World. Earth is Space Australia, where everything tries to kill you, and for most species, everything succeeds. My favorite story in this particular genre is a series that can be found here. It’s a great little scifi with a female main character who ends up being hella badass and disciplined at the same time. I adore it. <3

In fact, I love the series so much that I have started recording all of the stories in that universe and put them up on Youtube! You can find them on my youtube channel! Please take a look, and please forgive me for the amateurish videos. This is my first time using any video editing software ever, so I’m on a steep learning curve!

On another note, this whole thing is practice for when my own books go Audio, and I read them to the world. Plus, it allows me to study more writing in the genre I’m attempting to write right now. So win/win!

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