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Greener Pastures (for Goats)

  • Posted on April 8, 2014 at 12:36 pm

“Goats? You brought me here-” The pale sorcerer swept hands out and used them to indicate the expanse of green grass and hills, “To show me goats.”

Dirk gave a bit of a sigh, and smiled, ruefully. Even on good days, Yumil was still judgemental and easily annoyed. It surely didn’t help that one of the little bastards had decided to chew on that long black hair either. The Knight rescued the lock from it’s unwelcome attendant, and settled his arm around Yumil’s shoulder. It seemed to settle his partner, and that was always welcome. Yumil had a firey temper, and a love of elemental magic powerful enough to blow up small mountains. Dirk would be lucky to escape if this turned south.

“No. I brought you here to give you a gift, and to get away from the capital for a bit. We’ve been working hard, and…” Dirk swallowed, unsure if he should really give this bit away, knowing how Yumil was with this sort of thing. “And I wanted to spend some time with you.”

The stare he got was incredulous. Golden eyes searched him over for any sign that he was lying, any  indicator that he was setting up some cruel trick. He wished he could take that sort of fear away from Yumil, but after so many long years in servitude, the mage was too long used to it. Yumil was born into torment, and everyone thereafter just let the sorcerer down, one way or another. It was tragic, and Dirk ached to fix it. So, instead of letting Yumil stew in such feelings, he pulled out the package. He’d had to ask several of his acquaintances for help, including the Priest-Queen herself, and while Lishtair had been busy, she had offered invaluable advice to this end. He was hopeful that it would suit Yumil’s tastes.

Slender hands took the package, and unwrapped the linen inside from it’s soft yellow paper. The ribbon, a bright crimson, disappeared, and Dirk had no doubt he would see it in Jorgan’s hair, at some point soon. Dark eyebrows quirked, and fingers unfolded the cloth. The sharp gasp of breath felt like a treat to the knight, as Yumil realised what it was.

“This… This is beautiful…” The sorcerer held the dress up against the thin body, and smiled a small, wibbly smile. “Why would you…”

“Because I saw it, and thought you’d look amazing in it.” Dirk answered, giving an unaffected shrug. It was easy to get out, considering how many times he’d practiced it in the mirror. Truthfully, he’d hunted for that dress for weeks, along with Eamon and her partner, Anelace helping. Those girls were a lifesaver. The ruffles at the chest and sleeves would look perfect, and lend femininity to what little masculinity was clinging to Yumil. The long flowing skirt would help add to the mage’s hips. It was perfect, and in a shade of light lavender that would look beautiful on his skin. Dirk was proud of himself for this.

At least, he was, until Yumil teared up, sniffling. He watched as the darkest mage of the century held a dress to a thin, sobbing chest, and cried. Unsure what he’d done wrong, he swallowed, and wrapped his arm around Yumil once again. “Come now, look, you’re scaring away the goats.”

Indeed, the goats were wandering off, towards somewhere else, some other greener pasture, and when Yumil looked up, and smiled at Dirk, the thosfigian man thought perhaps, they were too.

Gushing about Good Omens

  • Posted on March 21, 2014 at 2:37 am
I hope to make this a series in reviews on books that really held my interest and that made me squeal. Yes, Squeal. I am, after all, first and foremost, a fangirl. If there is anything you’ll learn about me, it is that I ADORE things, and when I do? I obsess. 

So what are we going to talk about today?

 

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This hot mess of satirical genius, written by two men I highly admire. Neil Gaiman, author of such renowned books as Coraline, Anansi Boys, and Stardust, who captured millions of imaginations with his comic book series, The Sandman. A personal favorite of mine from western graphic novel literature. Terry Pratchett is even more famous, I believe, for his amazing Discworld Series, rightfully so.

These two authors have come together in an amazing tribute to not only christian religion, but also humanity in general. Taking the bible and the end of times and turning it into a spectacle I would gladly read again and again, is no mean feat, ladies and gents. And the characters, they thrill me so!

The two main characters (arguably) are Aziraphale and Crowley.

As described by the book itself, Crowley is “An Angel who did not so much Fall as Saunter Vaguely Downwards.” This is to say, he is not your average demon. He is the Serpent in the Garden, the Tempter. And he’s not bad looking in a suit and sunglasses, either. He is on a pet name basis with his counterpart, Aziraphale. Specifically, “Angel”. It’s ironic, and the fangirls (read: me.) have run with it.

Aziraphale, however, gets this lovely description: “Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a treeful of monkeys on nitrous oxide.” Oddly enough, though, Crowley is the one that strikes me as gay. I don’t know why that is.

Anyway, these two are the driving force behind the story. Literally. Crowley drives a Bentley the entire time in the book, and by the end it is literally held together only by his will. It’s amazing. From losing the baby Antichrist, to saving the world, these two are your ticket through the enchanting world these two men have created for us.

We get to watch these two characters grow and learn and generally fall out of their tired, uninspired existences, into something akin to human-hood, and it is beauteous. Not only do they become greater friends, but they learn that even if something is ineffable, that doesn’t mean it’s written in stone.

The entire plot revolves around Adam, the Antichrist. To quote our esteemed writers, “Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Great Beast that is called Dragon, Prince of This World, Father of Lies, Spawn of Satan, and Lord of Darkness.” But really he looks like an Adam.

It’s time for Adam to bring about the Apocalypse. Daddy Evilest says so. However, not only are Crowley and Aziraphale hot on his heels to stop him, but so are several other motley crews. The hilarity never stops.

But all in all, the story isn’t even about the apocalypse or about god versus Satan, or about ineffability versus free will. It all comes down to this one quote:

“It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people.”

Because that’s what Gaiman and Pratchett have given us in this book. A book about humanity, and not just in humans, but in angels and demons and cars and witches. Humanity, the gift of being able to say, “I don’t like this.” and choosing to do something about it.

All in all, I’ve read this book three times. And I plan to sit down and read it again, very soon. Please, please, do the same.

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